


If I'm Being Honest

by tsundo



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, i needed this ok?, listen, not going to let shockwave die at the end of dark cybertron nuh uh, so this is an AU i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26667373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsundo/pseuds/tsundo
Summary: Could you love this?Will this one be right?Well, if I'm being honestI'm hoping it might
Relationships: Optimus Prime/Shockwave, Orion Pax/Shockwave
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17
Collections: kage's shockop fics





	If I'm Being Honest

_“I expect you shall try reasoning with me.”_

_“I fear that would make for a somewhat stilted conversation. After all. We’ve been strangers for the last four million years.” He paused. “The Shockwave I once knew -_ **_my_ ** _Shockwave, was full of life. They’d laugh at the world one minute, throw punches at it the next. That Shockwave died when the senate took a pair of scissors to their brain and cut their personality into new shapes.” He stopped once more, emotion surging with him and he spoke again. “You died in an instant, one twist of a scalpel and it was over. But me? I bled to death slowly. A thousand battles, a thousand cuts, every Autobot fatality a reminder of my many failings as a leader.” He stepped forward towards them. “And when I sacrificed the Matrix to save Cybertron, only for the people to reject me. I realised I was spent, all I had left to give was my name.” The one you gave me, he wanted to say. “I owe my resurrection to someone who remembered me at my best. Let me do that for you, Shockwave. Let me remind you what you_ **_used_ ** _to be. And what you can be again.”_

_Something in Shockwave’s processor twitched and came to life, at first pulsing weakly, as if it were a weak glow, barely able to be seen in the darkness. As Megatron and Orion attempted to appeal to them, that weak light soon began to grow brighter and brighter, until everything flooded into their mind and shone through like the brightest star in the sky, piercing through the darkness and forcing it to dissipate._

_“Urrgh! My brain!” They paused, emotions flooding into them as memories of the war began to overwhelm them. “What have I_ **_done_ ** _? What happened to me?! What have_ **_they_ ** _turned me into?!”_

_Orion never thought he’d feel this feeling again but hearing Shockwave, HIS Shockwave, awakened something that he thought would never experience again._

_“Fight it, Shockwave! Fight the shadowplay!” he encouraged. “Think of who you were.” He couldn’t find the words before they came to him naturally. “Think of_ **_us_ ** _! Think of our bench, the Ark 1 Memorial Park, our bench by the inscription! Next to the energon bar that was never open. The bench with the broken leg! Remember? You’d say “Forget overthrowing the senate,-”_

_“I’d settle for a decent bench,” Shockwave finished. They wished they could smile. “And I fixed it myself in the end. Didn’t I?” they called out towards him. “My greatest achievement... from fixing a bench to breaking the universe. How did that happen?” they said. They lifted their arm and tapped a few buttons on their forearm, the time drive powering off with a whirr. They threw the time drive down onto the ground before standing back and firing a powerful blast, destroying the device. “We’re going to have to run, the singularity is going to collapse on itself.“_

_The sounds of a ship were then heard from above._

_“Ahoy down there!” Rodimus’ voice called out. “Anyone order a last minute rescue?”_

* * *

The events of what just happened had left Shockwave’s mind going in a million different directions, they sat in an empty room of the Lost Light, after much debate had went on on whether or not Shockwave should have been thrown into the brig. After Rodimus had agreed to letting Shockwave stay in an empty berthroom until they got back to Cybertron where they would face trial. 

They sat in the dark of the berthroom on the edge of the berth, not having bothered to turn on the light, trying to make sense of everything, trying to… process millions of years of crimes and monstrosities they committed. All that manipulation, all that pain they had caused. The more they thought about it, the more everything began to feel numb. Their servos gripped their forearm, the other servos no longer there due to the cannon attached instead. Nonetheless, their servos gripped their forearm tightly, threatening to dent the metal there. 

“After all Shockwave did, not just now, with the ores and Nova and the Titan but throughout the war… Were you really able to look beyond all that and recognise them as your friend?” Shockwave could hear Megatron’s muffled voice asking someone this.

“Does it matter?” Orion’s voice then came next. 

“If it didn’t I wouldn’t ask,” Megatron replied. 

“Then you already know my answer,” Orion replied, the door opening, Megatron having walked off after hearing his reply. Shockwave didn’t bother to look up. They couldn’t bring themselves to. They simply stared forward, staring ahead as their servos continued to grip at their forearm, scratches beginning to develop. Regardless, they could feel Orion’s gaze on them and they heard him shuffle before joining them on the other edge of the berth, keeping his distance. He didn’t bother to turn on the lights in the berthroom. Instead he sat beside them from a distance, the two in complete silence. Orion was always patient. Shockwave knew that. And as much as they wanted to say something, the words always died in their throat before anything could come out. The silence was deafening and it only caused Shockwave to grow more and more anxious, their mind feeling like static, servos beginning to grip at their forearm even more, pain receptors beginning to go off but Shockwave ignored them. It was only when someone else’s servos grabbed theirs, gently prying them away from their self destructive state. As if the other person was familiar with how Shockwave got when they were anxious, as if he knew that Shockwave would wring their servos to the point it hurt when their anxiety got too much. Their golden optic blinked before meeting the soft blue gaze of Orion’s. Much to their surprise, his mask was off. Even in the dark lighting, they could see all the details. 

His appearance had changed drastically over the years. Scars from the war on his faceplate, usually hidden beneath his mask, one over the bridge of his nose, another above his dermas, one on his chin. Most importantly he looked tired. His young outlook on life, the one Shockwave was used to before being ripped away from him, no longer there. If Shockwave had a face, it would most likely be the same. They don’t realise when their servos goes to place itself on Orion’s cheek, their thumb tracing over one of his scars. Instead of Orion reacting negatively, his optics shut slowly, Shockwave feeling him press against their servos. Suddenly, Shockwave wants to cry. Their EM field feels scrambled with the amount of emotions they feel, it’s practically pouring out of them and it’s very easy for Orion to notice. It’s harder for Shockwave to identify how Orion is feeling, him being more in control of his EM field after having much more practice compared to them. Maybe they’re imagining it but they swear they can detect feelings of affection and… relief. Neither of them say anything. Instead, Orion rose slowly from his kneeling position and hugged Shockwave. And suddenly, his EM field is overwhelming as they detect _everything_ he’s feeling, relief, affection, regret, heartache, _love_. Shockwave is awkward in the hug, their free servo frozen upward, unsure of what to do. He held them tightly, his helm nuzzling into their neck as they felt tears begin to drip down onto their chest plating. They knew it wasn’t theirs. They didn’t have the face to remotely be able to do that. No, it. It was Orion. Shockwave began to shake, realising what that meant. He still loved them. 

They shook within his grasp, attempting to pull away.

“I. I don’t want you to see me like this,” they finally said quietly. “Not after. Not after what I’ve done.” They can’t even look at him. But he doesn’t let go, moreso he can’t bring himself to.

“I can’t let go of you. Not when I finally have you back.”

“I don’t even look like _me_ anymore. I. I’m a monster,” Shockwave replied quietly. “How can you love… _this_?”

“Because I never stopped loving you from the day I lost you.”

He kissed them. It was a gentle kiss, the feeling of static lacing the bottom of their optic as he held them close. His optics continued to stay shut tight, squeezing out years of tears as grief poured out of him. Shockwave offlined their optic as they hugged him back, letting grief overtake them. Even if Shockwave couldn’t cry, well. 

He’ll cry for the both of them.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I've been meaning to write this for a while. It was only last night that I had the burst of motivation to write all of it and I will tell you I cried while writing this. I didn't like the ending of Dark Cybertron, so instead I wrote this. A bittersweet ending. With both of them getting the chance to heal together.


End file.
